margotvankapelle: (reading)
Somehow, I managed to make it onto the Dean's List for 2 quarters in a row!

5 more to go...

Also, I've had a hankering to try just a weensie bit harder to not look like Exhausta McHaglike.  So I picked up some lip gloss.  I dunno...we'll see. Lord knows since I single-handedly keep Chapstick in business it's just as easy to smear on some lip gloss instead.  Maybe eventually I'll get to the point of wearing makeup again on a regular basis.  I know, I know, it only takes a few minutes, etc., etc.,  I'll look a lot better with makeup on, more self-confidence blah blah blah.  As a fat chick, I feel more secure feeling invisible.  But wanting to feel invisible and yet wishing I wasn't makes for a heavy makeup addiction, even if I never wear the stuff.  One might argue that the makeup addiction is worse for never wearing the stuff.  So like I said, it's easiest to start off with lip gloss and see if I can get the hang of that.

Can you tell I've forgotten to take my crazy pills on a regular basis this week?

Which reminds me...brb, dosing myself.

It's probably bad form to reward myself for taking my antidepressant by scooping myself a large bowl of ice cream, but I haven't had dinner yet and dairy is one of the four food groups or whatever stupid chart the USDA is using these days.  So screw it.

I know part of the problem is what time of year it is:  Pennsic season.  As usual, I won't be going this year, nor will I be able to go next year (since I'll still be in year-round school).  Pennsic 2014 (er, I think that's, what, Pennsic 44? 45?) will be the earliest I will be able to go, which makes me all sorts of sad.  It's hard to explain WHY it makes me so sad, except maybe for this post I made back in the day.  It's just...promises, you know?  And the prospect of meeting some of you on my f-list (assuming I could work up the courage to stop by and say hello -- being just an okay costumer means that some of you all are like rock stars to me...like expect me to get a little starry-eyed and maybe even choke up a little bit if I ever meet you) even if it is intimidating! 

Yes, yes, I know Pennsic will still  be there, but adopting from foster care means there are enormous levels of governmental interference in our lives for an unknown and unpredictable length of time, and I'd like to go to Pennsic before having to negotiate crossing state lines with a foster child, and all the headaches that come with dealing with a bureaucracy.  I'll be 36 in 2014.  And considering my late 30s is (IMO) getting Too Old for first-time motherhood (especially if we are blessed with smaller children), that means we are very limited to how many more years we can put off Pennsic without also hanging up our chances to become parents.

WTF?

Oct. 12th, 2011 12:10 am
margotvankapelle: (beaker)
Ok, I must hormonal or something, because my brain is all "BABIES!!!!!!"

*sigh*

In other news, I have the sudden urge to make a rockin' circuspunk outfit based on several circus advertisements I saw when flipping through one of Boe's circus history books this evening.
margotvankapelle: (impossible)
Okay, so it's been...4 days?  since I had a cigarette.  I'm back at school, and on the drive here, I was so unaccustomed to being in a vehicle (because I spent 4 days in my bedroom, natch) that I didn't have a single craving.

I'm still hacking up quantities of chunky slime, but the amount that I cough up seems to be decreasing.

I'm still exhausted.  I might skip my afternoon class today; I might not...it all depends on how I feel.

UGH.

Sep. 23rd, 2011 05:37 pm
margotvankapelle: (marie antoinette grumpy)
Yesterday at work, I noticed I wasn't feeling well.  As the day went on, the worse I felt until I finally gave up and went home early.  I hit the sack at about 6 last night, then woke up this morrning at 7 feeling like I'd been hit by a truck.  Naturally, I called off of work.



I went to the urgent care place and came out with a scrip for heavy-duty antibiotics and a handful of shiny new diagnoses: tonsillitis, otitis media (middle ear infection), oh, and my personal favorite, pneumonia.  Which is pretty much what I had assumed I had -- the quantity of vile-smelling, chunky grossness that I've been coughing up today has been truly epic.


Typing this pretty much wiped me out for the next couple of hours, so I'm off to nap.
margotvankapelle: (ooooooh)
First of all, we needed a new mower. So while we were at the store, we also picked up:

A cat statue to put on Fagan's grave (it's been almost a year since he passed, after all, I think it's about time!)

An invisible dog fence for Miss Maggie...I let her out yesterday to potty, and 30 seconds later I get a phone call from our neighbors across the street. Maggie had decided to run out into traffic in order to visit them. *sigh*

Roundup herbicide -- we're killing off the lawn and starting over

Grass seed

Weed and feed

Grub killer

2 large planters

A small planter

A hanging planter

10 begonias

16 pansies

8 petunias

and

2 fuschias

I have spent the afternoon planting to my heart's content. Boe has been spraying herbicide on everything in our yard (I did make sure to cover the lilac bush and the sole remaining rose bush before he started in on the herbicide), and we've been burning handfuls of leaves mixed in with a little bit of firewood. That way we don't get nailed for burning leaves in city limits. A handful at a time is enough to tell anyone who asks that we're using it as tinder. Not nearly as smoky, either.
margotvankapelle: (magic8ball)
I made a post in[livejournal.com profile] adoption , and I wanted to throw it out to my f-list as well.  Let me know what you think, I am getting so very very turned around on quite a few issues (as I am sure you all probably already knew!), and I could really use advice on, well, everything.

When Boe and I have discussed adoption, it has been with the assumption that we'll probably be adopting from the foster care system, since the financial costs of that method seem to be lower than for private adoption, and it gives us the chance to adopt a sibling group (we're primarily interested in adopting a sibling group since they are traditionally difficult to place.)  However, my hormones have really done a number on me and given me a raging case of baby rabies. As in, OMG BABIESRITENAO! sort of baby rabies.  So in my idiocy, I've been scoping out private adoption facilitators, which makes the whole "wanting a baby immediately if not sooner" feeling stronger. 

In addition, Boe -- who has always wanted to have children with me -- is of the opinion that we should go ahead and start the classes and whatnot now and as far as finances go, we'll just work it out the same way we would if I wasn't infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy.  On the other hand, I can't help but fret that the course of action that Boe is suggesting would be irresponsible...but I'll be 35 before I graduate, and Boe will be 47.  I mean, yeah, Larry King can father a baby at the age of 927265, but that doesn't mean that we can or should.

So what on earth do I do in this situation?  If it was a question of me not being infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy, we'd just muddle through as best we could while trying to juggle sketchy finances and a newborn.  But in this case, where having children requires not only money, but time, effort, and one hell of a lot of red tape, the right path to take is not nearly as clear-cut.  Wait until I'm out of school, even though we'll be (depressingly) a lot older than the ideal? See if we can adopt even though we're not *quite* where we need to be financially yet?  Foster care adoption, private, or "lady, you are clearly way too nuts to have kids"?

I mean, 35 is -- in my opinion -- really pushing the boundaries of age-appropriateness of first-time parenthood.  And that doesn't mean that I'd become a mom at 35; the classes and stuff can take up to a year, then there's the wait to get a home study done, and then there's waiting to be matched, and and and and and.  Realistically, it can take 2-3 years for placement through the foster care system. 

Hell, if we knew that I could carry a pregnancy, Boe and I would have gone the "family friend and a turkey baster" route.  But I can't carry a pregnancy, and we can't afford fertility treatments at $10,000 per round of IVF, embryo adoption in this case requires a surrogate, and we certainly can't afford a surrogate -- which would require us to go through a lot of the same hoops as an adoption would to boot.


My life is not turning out to be anything like what I had hoped...hrmph.

Heh.

Jun. 10th, 2010 10:28 am
margotvankapelle: (bodyofgoddess)
I am having a fantastic breast day.

Carry on.
margotvankapelle: (bodyofgoddess)
I've been thinking...(no, there's no need to put crash helmets on! REALLY, YOU CAN TAKE OFF THE DAMN CRASH HELMETS ALREADY!) about weight loss surgery.

I weighed myself today.  I am 5'5" and 270 lbs.  I can't exercise without wheezing myself into a coma.  I have an endocrine imbalance that makes weight loss extraordinarily difficult, so sayeth my doctor.  However, I do not have the comorbidities that would make it feasible for my insurance to cover weight loss surgery.  I am thinking of talking to my doctor and insurance to see if there's any way that the comorbidities issue can be waived in my case so that insurance will approve covering me for weight loss surgery.   Suggestions from the peanut gallery?

The specific surgery I have in mind is laproscopic gastric sleeve surgery.  Thoughts?  Opinions?

And, on my next appointment with my doctor-type, I will be asking for a scrip for Chantix.  I am tired of smoking and I need help to quit.

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