margotvankapelle: (reading)
Somehow, I managed to make it onto the Dean's List for 2 quarters in a row!

5 more to go...

Also, I've had a hankering to try just a weensie bit harder to not look like Exhausta McHaglike.  So I picked up some lip gloss.  I dunno...we'll see. Lord knows since I single-handedly keep Chapstick in business it's just as easy to smear on some lip gloss instead.  Maybe eventually I'll get to the point of wearing makeup again on a regular basis.  I know, I know, it only takes a few minutes, etc., etc.,  I'll look a lot better with makeup on, more self-confidence blah blah blah.  As a fat chick, I feel more secure feeling invisible.  But wanting to feel invisible and yet wishing I wasn't makes for a heavy makeup addiction, even if I never wear the stuff.  One might argue that the makeup addiction is worse for never wearing the stuff.  So like I said, it's easiest to start off with lip gloss and see if I can get the hang of that.

Can you tell I've forgotten to take my crazy pills on a regular basis this week?

Which reminds me...brb, dosing myself.

It's probably bad form to reward myself for taking my antidepressant by scooping myself a large bowl of ice cream, but I haven't had dinner yet and dairy is one of the four food groups or whatever stupid chart the USDA is using these days.  So screw it.

I know part of the problem is what time of year it is:  Pennsic season.  As usual, I won't be going this year, nor will I be able to go next year (since I'll still be in year-round school).  Pennsic 2014 (er, I think that's, what, Pennsic 44? 45?) will be the earliest I will be able to go, which makes me all sorts of sad.  It's hard to explain WHY it makes me so sad, except maybe for this post I made back in the day.  It's just...promises, you know?  And the prospect of meeting some of you on my f-list (assuming I could work up the courage to stop by and say hello -- being just an okay costumer means that some of you all are like rock stars to me...like expect me to get a little starry-eyed and maybe even choke up a little bit if I ever meet you) even if it is intimidating! 

Yes, yes, I know Pennsic will still  be there, but adopting from foster care means there are enormous levels of governmental interference in our lives for an unknown and unpredictable length of time, and I'd like to go to Pennsic before having to negotiate crossing state lines with a foster child, and all the headaches that come with dealing with a bureaucracy.  I'll be 36 in 2014.  And considering my late 30s is (IMO) getting Too Old for first-time motherhood (especially if we are blessed with smaller children), that means we are very limited to how many more years we can put off Pennsic without also hanging up our chances to become parents.

margotvankapelle: (regency)
You know that Halloween costume I wanted to get done by Friday?  The Regency-era frock I wanted to do?  It's done -- buttonholes, finished seams, trim, and all.  I started about 11 am and just finished it.  The sleeves aren't super-incredibly-accurate, but they're flattering and that's the important bit.  I don't think I'm going to get the spencer done, as I have a paisley wrap that will do in a pinch, and if given the option, I'd like to make a really ridiculous bonnet instead.

The colors are dark purple cotton broadcloth, with a purple/lavender/antique gold trim at the sleeve cuffs, waistband, and bottom quarter of the skirt.  I'm sure Bitz will take photos, which I will naturally upload for criticism commentary.  The silhouette of the frock, so far as I can tell, is leaning towards the mid-to-late 1810s, as does the color scheme. If I get around to it, I might add some false flowers to the trim on the skirt in order to highlight the deliberately wavy trim placement like this dress, but I still have a wizard's robe to make for Boe and today was my last full day off before Saturday. 

Oh, and?  I was able to make the frock for about $15.  The fabric is $1.50/yard stuff from WalMart, and the trim is a lovely woven one given to me by [livejournal.com profile] ciorstan back in the day.  The little bit of lace at the sleeves came frm my stash, as did the buttons.
margotvankapelle: (centrifuge)
So, I've been sick, right?  And while the antibiotics are doing their thing, I'm still hacking crap up, you know? 

Did I mention that my Microbiology class has a lab component?

:D

Guess who is pretty darned stoked about culturing her own sputum sample, and doing all sort of fun staining to the smears?

:D :D :D

That'd be me.  *buffs nails*
margotvankapelle: (impossible)
Okay, so it's been...4 days?  since I had a cigarette.  I'm back at school, and on the drive here, I was so unaccustomed to being in a vehicle (because I spent 4 days in my bedroom, natch) that I didn't have a single craving.

I'm still hacking up quantities of chunky slime, but the amount that I cough up seems to be decreasing.

I'm still exhausted.  I might skip my afternoon class today; I might not...it all depends on how I feel.
margotvankapelle: (internetforever)
It's been over 24 hours since I've had a cigarette.  I think I might just see if I can keep going with this no smoking thing.

It's a very occasional urge and since everything feels like crap and I'm out of smokes, I don't see the point in going out to get more cancer sticks when I have a respiratory illness.  All I have is an excruciating headache, but that could just be low blood sugar and/or ignoring the Dayquil dosing intructions.
margotvankapelle: (ooooooo)
1. Boe is never truly happy unless he has a major project in the works. We have just mailed off to the state attorney's office an application to incorporate a not-for-profit organization. What is going on? Click here!

2. Boe suprised me on Tuesday by meeting me at the door with some paperwork in hand. The paperwork was an application to regularize our marriage in the Catholic Church, and the rest of it was the schedule for the RCIA program. Boe wants to become a Catholic. I'm still stunned...this is something I never expected or looked for. 

I've gotten my first round of homework done, and my abnormal psych class promises to be a lot of fun, except for the giggly Goth Lite teenage girls behind me making inane comments sotto voce the entire class.  I'm trying to decide if I want to do my research paper on Reactive Attachment Disorder or on the Attachment Therapy controversy.
margotvankapelle: (lolnado)
When I got off of work today, every WM in town was out of air conditioners, the same was true for Meijer's, Lowe's, Home Depot, Menard's, Target, Big Lots, and Dollar General (not like I really expected DG to have air conditioners, but I was desperate).

Boe found one -- count 'em, one -- air conditioning unit (and stood guard over it) at our local Do It Best hardware store, where I promptly dispatched myself and my debit card. It seems the unit had been on hold for someone for 5 days, but was never picked up.  As an added bonus, the manager took an extra forty bucks off of the retail price since it was a discontinued model.  Score!

When Boe had called me to report success on The Quest For Air Conditioning, I was stepping out of a tepid shower with three very angry cats joining me in the bathroom.  See, all three of the cats were panting and had rapid breathing when I came home, which are signs of heat exhaustion.  So I was a bad Mommy for their own good and took one cat at a time into the tepid shower with me, 15 minutes per cat.  Now, you might think that this isa recipe for Disembowelment By Cat Claws, but one thing that I've learned about cats is that they have an innate sense of fairness.  That's why my arms get turned into mincemeat when I try to bathe them, but they don't claw me when I have them in the shower with me, even though there is substantially more flesh to tear into when doing so.  Sure, they struggled a bit, but nothing involving claws or teeth.  I think they think that if they have to get wet, it is only Right and Proper that I get soaked too.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure we managed to buy the last available air conditioner in a three county area.  We've moved the animals into the bedroom, complete with litter box, food, and water, and our bedroom is finally beginning to cool down.  I might actually get to sleep tonight.
margotvankapelle: (magic8ball)
I made a post in[livejournal.com profile] adoption , and I wanted to throw it out to my f-list as well.  Let me know what you think, I am getting so very very turned around on quite a few issues (as I am sure you all probably already knew!), and I could really use advice on, well, everything.

When Boe and I have discussed adoption, it has been with the assumption that we'll probably be adopting from the foster care system, since the financial costs of that method seem to be lower than for private adoption, and it gives us the chance to adopt a sibling group (we're primarily interested in adopting a sibling group since they are traditionally difficult to place.)  However, my hormones have really done a number on me and given me a raging case of baby rabies. As in, OMG BABIESRITENAO! sort of baby rabies.  So in my idiocy, I've been scoping out private adoption facilitators, which makes the whole "wanting a baby immediately if not sooner" feeling stronger. 

In addition, Boe -- who has always wanted to have children with me -- is of the opinion that we should go ahead and start the classes and whatnot now and as far as finances go, we'll just work it out the same way we would if I wasn't infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy.  On the other hand, I can't help but fret that the course of action that Boe is suggesting would be irresponsible...but I'll be 35 before I graduate, and Boe will be 47.  I mean, yeah, Larry King can father a baby at the age of 927265, but that doesn't mean that we can or should.

So what on earth do I do in this situation?  If it was a question of me not being infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy, we'd just muddle through as best we could while trying to juggle sketchy finances and a newborn.  But in this case, where having children requires not only money, but time, effort, and one hell of a lot of red tape, the right path to take is not nearly as clear-cut.  Wait until I'm out of school, even though we'll be (depressingly) a lot older than the ideal? See if we can adopt even though we're not *quite* where we need to be financially yet?  Foster care adoption, private, or "lady, you are clearly way too nuts to have kids"?

I mean, 35 is -- in my opinion -- really pushing the boundaries of age-appropriateness of first-time parenthood.  And that doesn't mean that I'd become a mom at 35; the classes and stuff can take up to a year, then there's the wait to get a home study done, and then there's waiting to be matched, and and and and and.  Realistically, it can take 2-3 years for placement through the foster care system. 

Hell, if we knew that I could carry a pregnancy, Boe and I would have gone the "family friend and a turkey baster" route.  But I can't carry a pregnancy, and we can't afford fertility treatments at $10,000 per round of IVF, embryo adoption in this case requires a surrogate, and we certainly can't afford a surrogate -- which would require us to go through a lot of the same hoops as an adoption would to boot.


My life is not turning out to be anything like what I had hoped...hrmph.
margotvankapelle: (kitten)
Fagan visited me in my dreams last night. I was in our living room, talking with some male, and Fagan was sitting on our fireplace mantel purring and chirruping while I gave him chin skritches. Our fireplace was a real one, not an electric heater, and so the mantel was nice and wide for our chubby boy. I pulled a can of wet food from a pocket, opened it, and held the can while Fagan snarfed it down. I love it when he checks in on me.
margotvankapelle: (schrodinger)
Oh, I forgot to tell you -- Fagan is still making the occasional appearance in my dreams. The last time, I was at work, and Fagan came through the doorway from the back of the bakery, twined himself around my ankles, chirruped, and disappeared under the countertop. I smile every time I think of it. He really was an amazing boy, and both Boe and I miss him dreadfully. It's hard to believe he's been gone for over a month. Because of our finances, Boe and I have decided not to get another cat for a while...however, I have put Boe on notice that if the Universe puts a cat in our way, we're keeping it. :-)
margotvankapelle: (schrodinger)
I've been seeing (a fat, healthy) Fagan out of the corner of my eye, sitting on the toilet lid when I turn the bathroom sink faucet on (he and I had a routine when I was in the bathroom -- I'd turn on the water in the sink, and he'd let me bathe in peace). And this morning, I dreamt of Fagan mrrrrowing at us to fix his breakfast. He always waited until the alarm first went off to remind his humans that, yes, he was hungry and we were the ones who could open the cans so would one of us kindly GET UP AND FEED HIM ALREADY!?

I hope that he sticks around for a while, I find him quite comforting. I don't even mind being woken up early.

It's also becoming easier to think, so that's good.

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