margotvankapelle: (cats)
I took Odin to the V-E-T today for a checkup now that he's been on thyroid treatment for...uh...however long he's been on thyroid treatment.  He's gained 3 pounds and his fur is starting to fill back out.  The bad news is that we cannot afford to keep feeding Odin the Science Diet y/d thyroid diet that my little dude's been on -- the stuff is $25 for a 4 (!) pound bag, and I found Frank eating it a few days ago, so that partly explains why the supply has been getting low pretty quickly.

The good news is that the thyroid medication the vet though would run about $70 a month?  Is actually $22.83 a month.  And the tablets are chewable, so it's more a of a treat and less of a "burrito the cat and pray that I can find the stupid tablet when he spits it out" sort of ordeal.

So yay!  Odin is doing better, and getting fatter, and we'll be going to the cheaper (and more effective) thyroid treatment for our boy!

(Odin was pretty pleased with this vet visit too -- no thermometer in the butt!)
margotvankapelle: (roses)
Things were starting to look up and they were considering discharging my beloved, and voila, more chest pain radiating into the neck and left arm.  Huzzah.  He'll be here at least 1 more day.  :-/
margotvankapelle: (roses)
I might need to see a doctor if this doesn't clear up by the weekend. 

Right ear and right side of my throat...feels like the tonsil on that side is enlarged liek whoa, but it's not swollen any larger than my left tonsil, and the right-sided tonsil is still very painful, unlike the left in which there's a residual ache but nothing awful.  Right ear still feels full and is achy as all get out.  Left ear is not nearly as painful.  So chances are good that whatever I have has kind of taken up housekeeping on the right side and I'll need some antibiotics to clear it up.  Or something.  Yay.

I want/need to get better in order to see my cousin's newborn behbehs...I refuse to visit while I'm not 100%.

Speaking of behbehs, I am driving myself bonkers looking into IVF and other ART (assisted reproductive technology) information.  Stupid baby rabies.
margotvankapelle: (reading)
My right ear is still painful, and my throat still has some issues, but overall I am beginning to feel more like a human being.  This is good.

In other news, Odin has been eating his special thyroid diet without too many problems, but I still want to get him on medication as a proactive measure.  Here's hoping that it works out.

Whargarbl

Aug. 24th, 2012 09:47 pm
margotvankapelle: (roses)
Brain made of equal parts mucus and mush.  Ears in paaaaaaaaain.  Doping myself and going to bed.

Owie.

Aug. 23rd, 2012 07:29 pm
margotvankapelle: (roses)
The upper respiratory infection has become a middle ear infection.  I am thrilled...except not.
margotvankapelle: (reading)
Somehow, I managed to make it onto the Dean's List for 2 quarters in a row!

5 more to go...

Also, I've had a hankering to try just a weensie bit harder to not look like Exhausta McHaglike.  So I picked up some lip gloss.  I dunno...we'll see. Lord knows since I single-handedly keep Chapstick in business it's just as easy to smear on some lip gloss instead.  Maybe eventually I'll get to the point of wearing makeup again on a regular basis.  I know, I know, it only takes a few minutes, etc., etc.,  I'll look a lot better with makeup on, more self-confidence blah blah blah.  As a fat chick, I feel more secure feeling invisible.  But wanting to feel invisible and yet wishing I wasn't makes for a heavy makeup addiction, even if I never wear the stuff.  One might argue that the makeup addiction is worse for never wearing the stuff.  So like I said, it's easiest to start off with lip gloss and see if I can get the hang of that.

Can you tell I've forgotten to take my crazy pills on a regular basis this week?

Which reminds me...brb, dosing myself.

It's probably bad form to reward myself for taking my antidepressant by scooping myself a large bowl of ice cream, but I haven't had dinner yet and dairy is one of the four food groups or whatever stupid chart the USDA is using these days.  So screw it.

I know part of the problem is what time of year it is:  Pennsic season.  As usual, I won't be going this year, nor will I be able to go next year (since I'll still be in year-round school).  Pennsic 2014 (er, I think that's, what, Pennsic 44? 45?) will be the earliest I will be able to go, which makes me all sorts of sad.  It's hard to explain WHY it makes me so sad, except maybe for this post I made back in the day.  It's just...promises, you know?  And the prospect of meeting some of you on my f-list (assuming I could work up the courage to stop by and say hello -- being just an okay costumer means that some of you all are like rock stars to me...like expect me to get a little starry-eyed and maybe even choke up a little bit if I ever meet you) even if it is intimidating! 

Yes, yes, I know Pennsic will still  be there, but adopting from foster care means there are enormous levels of governmental interference in our lives for an unknown and unpredictable length of time, and I'd like to go to Pennsic before having to negotiate crossing state lines with a foster child, and all the headaches that come with dealing with a bureaucracy.  I'll be 36 in 2014.  And considering my late 30s is (IMO) getting Too Old for first-time motherhood (especially if we are blessed with smaller children), that means we are very limited to how many more years we can put off Pennsic without also hanging up our chances to become parents.

DO NOT WANT

Jul. 5th, 2012 11:43 pm
margotvankapelle: (bollocks)
I checked the weather forecast for the next couple of days and nearly fell over.

Al Gore?  You can have your freaking global warming back; we don't want it.

Okay, game plan is to hole up in my bedroom all day with the critters, since three of the five are elderly.  Any panting, heat exhaustion type symptoms and they go into a cool shower with me.

Voila, my plans for the weekend.




Note to self:  The next house will have central air.  This is ridiculous. 
margotvankapelle: (Default)
Did I mention that when I went to the doctor, my weight is up to 273?

Deeply unhappy about that.

Makes me want to crawl under a rock and never come back out.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

margotvankapelle: (Default)
So, in an effort to try to shape up, I bought a hula hoop...y'know, one of the semi-pro ones? I just did my first half-hour hooping session and my abs hurt, I am huffing and puffing, and actually worked up a sweat. I only managed to keep the hoop up for about thiry seconds at a go. I really hope it gets easier...or at least I can keep the hoop up longer.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

margotvankapelle: (SEWALLTHETHINGS! by tonyadmay)
So...my school is on a quarter-based system, rather than semesters.  This means this week is finals week.  I'm not all that stressed about it, to be honest, except I know half of my nursing cohort is going to contact me at the last minute for assistance in cramming all this info in.  *sigh*

Added to that is the very peculiar sensation that I have felt since first coming down with this round of strep.  My ears aren't involved in the infection, otherwise I'd blame this weird feeling on that.  It feels like I am a half-second slow on physical responses to stimuli, and that my balance is off just a hair. I'm shaky and just a tiny bit nauseous too.  It's like I'm a combination of tipsy and hypoglycemic.  Very weird.  If this continues after finishing all of my antibiotics, I will go back to the doctor to get checked out.

And naturally, I want to sew.  Nevermind that it's finals week and feeling like I'm consistently ready to fall over.  *facepalm*  Sewing muse, your timing is lousy. 

Blargh.

Feb. 16th, 2012 12:26 pm
margotvankapelle: (madesense)
I have come down with some variation on an upper respiratory infection involving my sinuses and my ears.  Oh joy.  Fever and lightheadedness notwithstanding, I am currently at school, as I have multiple tests today and lab practice scheduled.

I feel partly drunk, partly like I am close to fainting, and incredibly stupid...I can't seem to access anything more brain-complicated than how to take vitals, so I daresay that test results for this week are going to be rather disappointing.  Oh well, it's not like I can help being punch-drunk with The Sick, so I just need to go slower on tests (I am routinely the first one done with tests, to the point where 2 of my instructors suspected me of cheating and so had me placed directly in front of them during test-taking, which became rather funny once they realized that not only was I NOT cheating, I was just that fast.  Cue confusion on their parts.  Heh.).

But I have my ATI stuff done for the week, have my homework completed early, and have no plans for tomorrow except getting Frank and Odin to the vet office at 8 AM for their dental work.  So I think going home and collapsing is probably pretty high on my list of plans for today.

Scratch that.  I just remembered I need to type up some form of cheat sheet for household conversions for my class.  You would be absolutely astounded how many people in my class cannot remember how to convert milliliters to liters, grams to milligrams, ounces to pints, etc.  Cue snarky comment about the state of this country's educational system...this is stuff I learned before middle school!  I hate to say it, but I can already tell who will probably wash out of the program and who will stick around -- in general, the ones who are asking me for help or are scheduling tutoring sessions are the ones who will stick.  Already, there are some who are making comments about "I'm never going to get this" or "Maybe I should change my degree program."  They have already given up, in those cases.

I refuse to give up, though.  This is my last chance, my last ticket out of this rut that Boe and I are in.  I am going to do this one way or the other and that is that.

margotvankapelle: (centrifuge)
So, I've been sick, right?  And while the antibiotics are doing their thing, I'm still hacking crap up, you know? 

Did I mention that my Microbiology class has a lab component?

:D

Guess who is pretty darned stoked about culturing her own sputum sample, and doing all sort of fun staining to the smears?

:D :D :D

That'd be me.  *buffs nails*
margotvankapelle: (impossible)
Okay, so it's been...4 days?  since I had a cigarette.  I'm back at school, and on the drive here, I was so unaccustomed to being in a vehicle (because I spent 4 days in my bedroom, natch) that I didn't have a single craving.

I'm still hacking up quantities of chunky slime, but the amount that I cough up seems to be decreasing.

I'm still exhausted.  I might skip my afternoon class today; I might not...it all depends on how I feel.
margotvankapelle: (internetforever)
It's been over 24 hours since I've had a cigarette.  I think I might just see if I can keep going with this no smoking thing.

It's a very occasional urge and since everything feels like crap and I'm out of smokes, I don't see the point in going out to get more cancer sticks when I have a respiratory illness.  All I have is an excruciating headache, but that could just be low blood sugar and/or ignoring the Dayquil dosing intructions.

UGH.

Sep. 23rd, 2011 05:37 pm
margotvankapelle: (marie antoinette grumpy)
Yesterday at work, I noticed I wasn't feeling well.  As the day went on, the worse I felt until I finally gave up and went home early.  I hit the sack at about 6 last night, then woke up this morrning at 7 feeling like I'd been hit by a truck.  Naturally, I called off of work.



I went to the urgent care place and came out with a scrip for heavy-duty antibiotics and a handful of shiny new diagnoses: tonsillitis, otitis media (middle ear infection), oh, and my personal favorite, pneumonia.  Which is pretty much what I had assumed I had -- the quantity of vile-smelling, chunky grossness that I've been coughing up today has been truly epic.


Typing this pretty much wiped me out for the next couple of hours, so I'm off to nap.
margotvankapelle: (Default)


Well, my mom called me this morning.  Apparently, she takes more ater my grandmother than either of us had thought.  The bad news?  She has cataracts (she's only 59!) and needs surgery.  The good news? The surgery can take place any time within the next 5 years or so.  But Mom wants   them gone ASAP so her field of vision isn't fuzzy around the edges anymore, and I'd like them gone ASAP because she does a lot of night driving when she visits here in Fort Wayne.

So she's getting that scheduled and I will take a couple of days off of work to be Mom's chauffeur (chauffeuse?), er, driver.
 

It is really really really weird watching my parents age.


margotvankapelle: (peekaboo)
So a few days ago I asked your opinion on how I should best handle the baby rabies/OMG KIDS NAO that my hormones are putting me through.  I recieved comments that were well thought out and respectful, even the ones that counseled against what I was leaning towards. 

I don't really know how to put this, but because I use my LJ as my rant-space before taking issues to Boe, I'm afraid I've created a rather skewed portrait of him if you only know me through this medium.  I don't mean to do this, it is a by-product of the way I handle issues within my relationship.  Boe is a good man, who truly feels awful that he hasn't obtained fulltime employment yet and who wants me above anything else to be happy.  He does a lot around the house -- more than I do, in fact -- and generally I am happy with our relationship.

It's been within the past 3 years that I have really started to feel capable of being a mother.  Prior to that, I was so worried that my depression issues would result in me being a bad mother that I never wanted to *be* a mother.  I was afraid that I would inflict my own brand of crazy onto some poor kid and royally screw them up.  I also underwent some bit of grieving that I could not carry a pregnancy and therefore cannot have biological children (as our budget will probably never allow for the high costs of surrogacy).  Boe and I have talked about adoption, and we came to the conclusion that we were probably too old for traditional private domestic adoption and most likely could not afford private adoption anyway, as fees tend to run between $12,000 and $35,000.  Therefore, we limited ourselves to special needs adoption through the foster care system.

In the state of Indiana, a special needs adoption is the adoption of any child from foster care who is:

a.  mentally, physically, or emotionally disabled, OR
b.  above the age of 6, OR
c.  a minority, OR
d.  part of a sibling group that must be placed together per a judge's order.

What Boe and I are considering are a sibling group, single children above the age of 6, or children with mild emotional disabilities.  We do not feel that we have the time, energy, or patience to work with children with severe disabilities.  Unfortunately, I don't feel comfortable adopting a minority child because I have a close relative who likes to drop racist/sexist/other ugliness terms into everyday conversation.  That's not fair to a child who already feels unwanted and unloved. 

In my mind, the whole debate came down to:  Should we start the paperwork and classes after Boe gets a permanent job, even though I'll still be in school and our income will be okay, but not fantastic, or should we wait until after I graduate from college, and have a much better income, even though it's very likely that Boe will be on the wrong side of fifty before finalizing an adoption?
margotvankapelle: (magic8ball)
I made a post in[livejournal.com profile] adoption , and I wanted to throw it out to my f-list as well.  Let me know what you think, I am getting so very very turned around on quite a few issues (as I am sure you all probably already knew!), and I could really use advice on, well, everything.

When Boe and I have discussed adoption, it has been with the assumption that we'll probably be adopting from the foster care system, since the financial costs of that method seem to be lower than for private adoption, and it gives us the chance to adopt a sibling group (we're primarily interested in adopting a sibling group since they are traditionally difficult to place.)  However, my hormones have really done a number on me and given me a raging case of baby rabies. As in, OMG BABIESRITENAO! sort of baby rabies.  So in my idiocy, I've been scoping out private adoption facilitators, which makes the whole "wanting a baby immediately if not sooner" feeling stronger. 

In addition, Boe -- who has always wanted to have children with me -- is of the opinion that we should go ahead and start the classes and whatnot now and as far as finances go, we'll just work it out the same way we would if I wasn't infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy.  On the other hand, I can't help but fret that the course of action that Boe is suggesting would be irresponsible...but I'll be 35 before I graduate, and Boe will be 47.  I mean, yeah, Larry King can father a baby at the age of 927265, but that doesn't mean that we can or should.

So what on earth do I do in this situation?  If it was a question of me not being infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy, we'd just muddle through as best we could while trying to juggle sketchy finances and a newborn.  But in this case, where having children requires not only money, but time, effort, and one hell of a lot of red tape, the right path to take is not nearly as clear-cut.  Wait until I'm out of school, even though we'll be (depressingly) a lot older than the ideal? See if we can adopt even though we're not *quite* where we need to be financially yet?  Foster care adoption, private, or "lady, you are clearly way too nuts to have kids"?

I mean, 35 is -- in my opinion -- really pushing the boundaries of age-appropriateness of first-time parenthood.  And that doesn't mean that I'd become a mom at 35; the classes and stuff can take up to a year, then there's the wait to get a home study done, and then there's waiting to be matched, and and and and and.  Realistically, it can take 2-3 years for placement through the foster care system. 

Hell, if we knew that I could carry a pregnancy, Boe and I would have gone the "family friend and a turkey baster" route.  But I can't carry a pregnancy, and we can't afford fertility treatments at $10,000 per round of IVF, embryo adoption in this case requires a surrogate, and we certainly can't afford a surrogate -- which would require us to go through a lot of the same hoops as an adoption would to boot.


My life is not turning out to be anything like what I had hoped...hrmph.
margotvankapelle: (tea)

Boe has an interview tomorrow at a charter school in Indianapolis.  Naturally, the weather decides to take a poo on us (4-6 inches of snow tonight!), but he has a good car, with good heat and even more importantly, good insurance on it.  Keep your fingers crossed, folks...if we have to move anywhere outside of Fort Wayne, Lord knows Indy's going to be the easiest to deal with from a hassle perspective.  I assume we'll find out very shortly whether or not he gets the job.  Once I know, you'll all know.  :-)

In other news, there isn't a whole lot going on.  I have cut out all of Boe'spatterns, as well asmy own.  I have a shirt about halfway done for him, and it's been so long since I've used a machine on garb, I've totally forgotten how to do a flat fell seam for the underarm gussets on a machine.  I daresay this'll be...interesting.  I have to have to have to cut back on the amount of hand sewing I do, because my right hand goes all numb and tingly about 30 minutes into hand sewing, and even less if I've been on the computer or knitting.  Chances are pretty good that it's carpal tunnel syndrome, so I think with my next paycheck I may spring for a wrist brace or immobilizer to wear while crafting.  The longer I can delay surgery, the better.

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