margotvankapelle: (giraffes)
Yeah.

*sigh*
margotvankapelle: (roses)
I might need to see a doctor if this doesn't clear up by the weekend. 

Right ear and right side of my throat...feels like the tonsil on that side is enlarged liek whoa, but it's not swollen any larger than my left tonsil, and the right-sided tonsil is still very painful, unlike the left in which there's a residual ache but nothing awful.  Right ear still feels full and is achy as all get out.  Left ear is not nearly as painful.  So chances are good that whatever I have has kind of taken up housekeeping on the right side and I'll need some antibiotics to clear it up.  Or something.  Yay.

I want/need to get better in order to see my cousin's newborn behbehs...I refuse to visit while I'm not 100%.

Speaking of behbehs, I am driving myself bonkers looking into IVF and other ART (assisted reproductive technology) information.  Stupid baby rabies.
margotvankapelle: (giggling marilyn)
1.  My birthday was yesterday...I am 34.  In 4 days my brother (the youngest sibling) turns 30, and I will officially enter the ranks of The Middle Aged.  I had a very nice, if quiet, birthday (Boe was asleep most of the day)...we went to breakfast together and I puttered around the house while Boe slept, then he took me to dinner when he got up and he gave me a card that told me that he's in the process of buying me an engagement ring.  When we first got engaged, what we could afford was a really pretty white topaz set in white gold.  It was quite the stunner and we weren't going into hock for what basically amounts to graphite gone snooty.  However, it turns out that I am ridiculously hard on hand jewelry and now the corners of the facets on the white topaz are ground down to cloudiness.  So I really did need a diamond in any replacement engagement ring -- you might be asking why I just didn't purchase a loose diamond and have the ring remounted; well, the white topaz was about 4 carats.  No way in Hades we will ever be able to afford a diamond that large, and even if we could I would become incredibly paranoid about losing it.  So the engagement ring Boe picked out was perfect -- white gold, a round solitaire, a good carat weight (large enough to be pretty and proportionate to my hand size, small enough to still be affordable).  And he should have it out of layaway by Christmas!

2.  Still want kids.  OMG, I still want kids.

3.  My next math test is Monday at 8 AM.  Pray for me.

WTF?

Oct. 12th, 2011 12:10 am
margotvankapelle: (beaker)
Ok, I must hormonal or something, because my brain is all "BABIES!!!!!!"

*sigh*

In other news, I have the sudden urge to make a rockin' circuspunk outfit based on several circus advertisements I saw when flipping through one of Boe's circus history books this evening.
margotvankapelle: (ooooooo)

If you buy a Frosty of any kind this weekend from Wendy's, they will contribute 50 cents to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.  The Foundation works very very hard to find children in the foster care system permanent, loving homes, and specializes in the "hard-to-place" kids.  Kids who are older than 6 or 7, kids with emotional problems from the amount of trauma they have suffered, minority children, children with physical disabilities or mental impairments.  They also focus on the children who have been waiting the longest to be matched with a safe, stable, loving family.  Aging out of the system is hell...yet 20,000 to 30,000 children age out of the system every year.  The statistics are grim with regards to their futures.

Kids who need a home desperately.

Please, f-list, buy a Frosty this weekend. Help kids find their way home.



In addition, "like" this page on Facebook or tweet the link on Twitter, and Wendy's will contribute an additional 50 cents to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.
margotvankapelle: (reading is fundamental)
Read this, if you would.
margotvankapelle: (peekaboo)
So a few days ago I asked your opinion on how I should best handle the baby rabies/OMG KIDS NAO that my hormones are putting me through.  I recieved comments that were well thought out and respectful, even the ones that counseled against what I was leaning towards. 

I don't really know how to put this, but because I use my LJ as my rant-space before taking issues to Boe, I'm afraid I've created a rather skewed portrait of him if you only know me through this medium.  I don't mean to do this, it is a by-product of the way I handle issues within my relationship.  Boe is a good man, who truly feels awful that he hasn't obtained fulltime employment yet and who wants me above anything else to be happy.  He does a lot around the house -- more than I do, in fact -- and generally I am happy with our relationship.

It's been within the past 3 years that I have really started to feel capable of being a mother.  Prior to that, I was so worried that my depression issues would result in me being a bad mother that I never wanted to *be* a mother.  I was afraid that I would inflict my own brand of crazy onto some poor kid and royally screw them up.  I also underwent some bit of grieving that I could not carry a pregnancy and therefore cannot have biological children (as our budget will probably never allow for the high costs of surrogacy).  Boe and I have talked about adoption, and we came to the conclusion that we were probably too old for traditional private domestic adoption and most likely could not afford private adoption anyway, as fees tend to run between $12,000 and $35,000.  Therefore, we limited ourselves to special needs adoption through the foster care system.

In the state of Indiana, a special needs adoption is the adoption of any child from foster care who is:

a.  mentally, physically, or emotionally disabled, OR
b.  above the age of 6, OR
c.  a minority, OR
d.  part of a sibling group that must be placed together per a judge's order.

What Boe and I are considering are a sibling group, single children above the age of 6, or children with mild emotional disabilities.  We do not feel that we have the time, energy, or patience to work with children with severe disabilities.  Unfortunately, I don't feel comfortable adopting a minority child because I have a close relative who likes to drop racist/sexist/other ugliness terms into everyday conversation.  That's not fair to a child who already feels unwanted and unloved. 

In my mind, the whole debate came down to:  Should we start the paperwork and classes after Boe gets a permanent job, even though I'll still be in school and our income will be okay, but not fantastic, or should we wait until after I graduate from college, and have a much better income, even though it's very likely that Boe will be on the wrong side of fifty before finalizing an adoption?

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