Jan. 27th, 2012

margotvankapelle: (fridaylove)
Boe and I went out to a nice dinner (our weekly payday ritual) tonight, then he went off to the game store to play in his usual Friday evening Magic: The Gathering tournament.  There is something to be said for predictability.

It dawned on me, though, that I really don't have friends I hang out with or go and see on any regular basis...not since [livejournal.com profile] cubsfan57 and her husband Brian-sans-LJ moved to Kansas.  To be honest, it doesn't freak me out the way that it freaks Boe out.  Bless him, he worries that he's just up and leaving me all by my lonesome, in which I will pine away in sheer loneliness.  But I'm far more comfortable being alone than he can imagine -- remember, he has Massive Hangups Indeed when it comes to being by himself, and it is difficult for him to imagine any circumstances in which he is comfortable being by himself for any length of time.  I mean that.  When we were first married, he used to follow me around a ~500 square foot 1 bedroom apartment.   Mercifully, I broke him of that habit about the time we moved into our house.

So anyway.  Being by myself isn't the awful fate for me that Boe seems to think it is.  I'm a bit of an introvert (although a very social one) and being by myself gives me an opportunity to function without being "on".  It's something that I do with every single person -- including Boe.  I am constantly "on", and Friday evenings give me the chance to drop the personae* just a hair.  It's quite refreshing.  Besides which, I DON'T have friends I can just randomly visit, or invite myself over for a cup of coffee, or invite over to our place to get mauled by the dog enjoy some conversation.  I'm pretty much a hermit.  School, work, the internet.  That's my social life.  And that's okay.  Between the social anxiety and constant failure on my part to measure up to how awesome my internet friends are, I'm not sure I could handle meeting y'all in the first place!

Can't convince Boe of that, though.  He worries for my mental health...but him getting that job was the best thing to happen to my mental health since I was put on Wellbutrin. 


*I have several.  At school, I am The Pendantic Wunderkind, at work, the Helpful Bakery Associate, at home, the Practical and Sacrificing Spouse, and on the internet, the Occasionally Witty, Often Bitchy Costumer Who Likes To Talk About Herself. Hence this post.

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