Philosophical Nonsense

You know that Halloween costume I wanted to get done by Friday?  The Regency-era frock I wanted to do?  It's done -- buttonholes, finished seams, trim, and all.  I started about 11 am and just finished it.  The sleeves aren't super-incredibly-accurate, but they're flattering and that's the important bit.  I don't think I'm going to get the spencer done, as I have a paisley wrap that will do in a pinch, and if given the option, I'd like to make a really ridiculous bonnet instead.

The colors are dark purple cotton broadcloth, with a purple/lavender/antique gold trim at the sleeve cuffs, waistband, and bottom quarter of the skirt.  I'm sure Bitz will take photos, which I will naturally upload for criticism commentary.  The silhouette of the frock, so far as I can tell, is leaning towards the mid-to-late 1810s, as does the color scheme. If I get around to it, I might add some false flowers to the trim on the skirt in order to highlight the deliberately wavy trim placement like this dress, but I still have a wizard's robe to make for Boe and today was my last full day off before Saturday. 

Oh, and?  I was able to make the frock for about $15.  The fabric is $1.50/yard stuff from WalMart, and the trim is a lovely woven one given to me by ciorstan back in the day.  The little bit of lace at the sleeves came frm my stash, as did the buttons.

Okay, so it's been...4 days?  since I had a cigarette.  I'm back at school, and on the drive here, I was so unaccustomed to being in a vehicle (because I spent 4 days in my bedroom, natch) that I didn't have a single craving.

I'm still hacking up quantities of chunky slime, but the amount that I cough up seems to be decreasing.

I'm still exhausted.  I might skip my afternoon class today; I might not...it all depends on how I feel.

1. Boe is never truly happy unless he has a major project in the works. We have just mailed off to the state attorney's office an application to incorporate a not-for-profit organization. What is going on? Click here!

2. Boe suprised me on Tuesday by meeting me at the door with some paperwork in hand. The paperwork was an application to regularize our marriage in the Catholic Church, and the rest of it was the schedule for the RCIA program. Boe wants to become a Catholic. I'm still stunned...this is something I never expected or looked for. 

I've gotten my first round of homework done, and my abnormal psych class promises to be a lot of fun, except for the giggly Goth Lite teenage girls behind me making inane comments sotto voce the entire class.  I'm trying to decide if I want to do my research paper on Reactive Attachment Disorder or on the Attachment Therapy controversy.

I made a post inadoption , and I wanted to throw it out to my f-list as well.  Let me know what you think, I am getting so very very turned around on quite a few issues (as I am sure you all probably already knew!), and I could really use advice on, well, everything.

When Boe and I have discussed adoption, it has been with the assumption that we'll probably be adopting from the foster care system, since the financial costs of that method seem to be lower than for private adoption, and it gives us the chance to adopt a sibling group (we're primarily interested in adopting a sibling group since they are traditionally difficult to place.)  However, my hormones have really done a number on me and given me a raging case of baby rabies. As in, OMG BABIESRITENAO! sort of baby rabies.  So in my idiocy, I've been scoping out private adoption facilitators, which makes the whole "wanting a baby immediately if not sooner" feeling stronger. 

In addition, Boe -- who has always wanted to have children with me -- is of the opinion that we should go ahead and start the classes and whatnot now and as far as finances go, we'll just work it out the same way we would if I wasn't infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy.  On the other hand, I can't help but fret that the course of action that Boe is suggesting would be irresponsible...but I'll be 35 before I graduate, and Boe will be 47.  I mean, yeah, Larry King can father a baby at the age of 927265, but that doesn't mean that we can or should.

So what on earth do I do in this situation?  If it was a question of me not being infertile and we had an unexpected pregnancy, we'd just muddle through as best we could while trying to juggle sketchy finances and a newborn.  But in this case, where having children requires not only money, but time, effort, and one hell of a lot of red tape, the right path to take is not nearly as clear-cut.  Wait until I'm out of school, even though we'll be (depressingly) a lot older than the ideal? See if we can adopt even though we're not *quite* where we need to be financially yet?  Foster care adoption, private, or "lady, you are clearly way too nuts to have kids"?

I mean, 35 is -- in my opinion -- really pushing the boundaries of age-appropriateness of first-time parenthood.  And that doesn't mean that I'd become a mom at 35; the classes and stuff can take up to a year, then there's the wait to get a home study done, and then there's waiting to be matched, and and and and and.  Realistically, it can take 2-3 years for placement through the foster care system. 

Hell, if we knew that I could carry a pregnancy, Boe and I would have gone the "family friend and a turkey baster" route.  But I can't carry a pregnancy, and we can't afford fertility treatments at $10,000 per round of IVF, embryo adoption in this case requires a surrogate, and we certainly can't afford a surrogate -- which would require us to go through a lot of the same hoops as an adoption would to boot.


My life is not turning out to be anything like what I had hoped...hrmph.

Oh, I forgot to tell you -- Fagan is still making the occasional appearance in my dreams. The last time, I was at work, and Fagan came through the doorway from the back of the bakery, twined himself around my ankles, chirruped, and disappeared under the countertop. I smile every time I think of it. He really was an amazing boy, and both Boe and I miss him dreadfully. It's hard to believe he's been gone for over a month. Because of our finances, Boe and I have decided not to get another cat for a while...however, I have put Boe on notice that if the Universe puts a cat in our way, we're keeping it. :-)