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Let me tell you, internets
Mar. 16th, 2011 04:27 pmSo a few days ago I asked your opinion on how I should best handle the baby rabies/OMG KIDS NAO that my hormones are putting me through. I recieved comments that were well thought out and respectful, even the ones that counseled against what I was leaning towards.
I don't really know how to put this, but because I use my LJ as my rant-space before taking issues to Boe, I'm afraid I've created a rather skewed portrait of him if you only know me through this medium. I don't mean to do this, it is a by-product of the way I handle issues within my relationship. Boe is a good man, who truly feels awful that he hasn't obtained fulltime employment yet and who wants me above anything else to be happy. He does a lot around the house -- more than I do, in fact -- and generally I am happy with our relationship.
It's been within the past 3 years that I have really started to feel capable of being a mother. Prior to that, I was so worried that my depression issues would result in me being a bad mother that I never wanted to *be* a mother. I was afraid that I would inflict my own brand of crazy onto some poor kid and royally screw them up. I also underwent some bit of grieving that I could not carry a pregnancy and therefore cannot have biological children (as our budget will probably never allow for the high costs of surrogacy). Boe and I have talked about adoption, and we came to the conclusion that we were probably too old for traditional private domestic adoption and most likely could not afford private adoption anyway, as fees tend to run between $12,000 and $35,000. Therefore, we limited ourselves to special needs adoption through the foster care system.
In the state of Indiana, a special needs adoption is the adoption of any child from foster care who is:
a. mentally, physically, or emotionally disabled, OR
b. above the age of 6, OR
c. a minority, OR
d. part of a sibling group that must be placed together per a judge's order.
What Boe and I are considering are a sibling group, single children above the age of 6, or children with mild emotional disabilities. We do not feel that we have the time, energy, or patience to work with children with severe disabilities. Unfortunately, I don't feel comfortable adopting a minority child because I have a close relative who likes to drop racist/sexist/other ugliness terms into everyday conversation. That's not fair to a child who already feels unwanted and unloved.
In my mind, the whole debate came down to: Should we start the paperwork and classes after Boe gets a permanent job, even though I'll still be in school and our income will be okay, but not fantastic, or should we wait until after I graduate from college, and have a much better income, even though it's very likely that Boe will be on the wrong side of fifty before finalizing an adoption?
I don't really know how to put this, but because I use my LJ as my rant-space before taking issues to Boe, I'm afraid I've created a rather skewed portrait of him if you only know me through this medium. I don't mean to do this, it is a by-product of the way I handle issues within my relationship. Boe is a good man, who truly feels awful that he hasn't obtained fulltime employment yet and who wants me above anything else to be happy. He does a lot around the house -- more than I do, in fact -- and generally I am happy with our relationship.
It's been within the past 3 years that I have really started to feel capable of being a mother. Prior to that, I was so worried that my depression issues would result in me being a bad mother that I never wanted to *be* a mother. I was afraid that I would inflict my own brand of crazy onto some poor kid and royally screw them up. I also underwent some bit of grieving that I could not carry a pregnancy and therefore cannot have biological children (as our budget will probably never allow for the high costs of surrogacy). Boe and I have talked about adoption, and we came to the conclusion that we were probably too old for traditional private domestic adoption and most likely could not afford private adoption anyway, as fees tend to run between $12,000 and $35,000. Therefore, we limited ourselves to special needs adoption through the foster care system.
In the state of Indiana, a special needs adoption is the adoption of any child from foster care who is:
a. mentally, physically, or emotionally disabled, OR
b. above the age of 6, OR
c. a minority, OR
d. part of a sibling group that must be placed together per a judge's order.
What Boe and I are considering are a sibling group, single children above the age of 6, or children with mild emotional disabilities. We do not feel that we have the time, energy, or patience to work with children with severe disabilities. Unfortunately, I don't feel comfortable adopting a minority child because I have a close relative who likes to drop racist/sexist/other ugliness terms into everyday conversation. That's not fair to a child who already feels unwanted and unloved.
In my mind, the whole debate came down to: Should we start the paperwork and classes after Boe gets a permanent job, even though I'll still be in school and our income will be okay, but not fantastic, or should we wait until after I graduate from college, and have a much better income, even though it's very likely that Boe will be on the wrong side of fifty before finalizing an adoption?
